Pre Cana Recap

One thing’s checked off the September to do list: Pre Cana! The diocese was kind enough to squeeze us in, and we got to participate at my home parish, in a Pre Cana led by the deacon who will be marrying us. All Pre Canas seem to be different, so I'll recap ours in case anyone is wondering about what happens. 

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Mr. B and I were not exactly looking forward to it, as there was a Michigan game on and we were hoping to watch it at a local bar. I didn’t expect Pre Cana to be horrible or anything, just thought I’d need to hold my eyelids open to keep from falling asleep.

Luckily, I was wrong. The day started with a decently entertaining version of the Newylwed Game, and then was divided into two parts. The first focused on marital communication and the second on sexuality and spirituality (actually less cringeworthy than it sounds). Both followed the same format, where a panel of facilitator couples (married from 15-40 years), discussed their experiences on topics like communication or newlywed adjustments. After the panel discussion, we broke into smaller groups, each led by a facilitator couple. They asked us questions about our relationships, like whether we’d discussed sharing holidays or how we expected our relationship to change over the years. It was actually pretty interesting to listen to the couples’ stories, and I definitely appreciated their candor. Personally, I love to hear about people’s experiences, and since my own parents tend to be a little reserved/closed off on these types of discussions, it was really nice to hear from the church couples.

I also really enjoyed the discussion on how the couples’ relationships with God changed over the years. Most of the women had been practicing Catholics their whole lives, but had husbands who were basically atheists or lapsed Catholics at the time of the wedding.  As part of an interfaith couple, it was very comforting to me to hear how these role model couples did, over time, find ways to God together.

In the interest of honesty I will admit there were some squirmy points (Natural Family Planning) and a few snooze worthy moments, but for the most part I found us surrounded by a very nice group of engaged couples, and a great group of married couples working with us. It was really a very positive experience, and definitely not the worst part of wedding planning so far!

Save the Date Poll

Alright, we're really trying to choose a save the date by the end of the week. But I need your opinions! 

Would you get something you absolutely love that's a bit more expensive, that matches your invite suite, as below:

 (Gilt Edge Card, customized at William Arthur)

Or something that uses your nice engagement photos, your fiance likes better, and is much cheaper? Like below:

(Wedding Paper Divas "Beautiful Band")

If it helps, we're talking like a $150ish difference. I do love the first option, and the difference isn't exactly bank breaking, so I'm questioning if it's dumb to obsess over the budget. But then again, $150 here and there it adds up- it could be tips for vendors, my hair, makeup for two bridesmaids, etc. Cause it's not like the save the dates are the only place where we can scrape a bit off the budget.

So which would you go with? Pricey but you love, or pretty good and less expensive?

In Case of a Wedding Disaster

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For those of us that live on the East coast, the post-Hurricane Irene news stories contained tons of tales of weddings ruined by the storm. We saw optimistic brides and grooms throwing it down anyway, despite cancellations by half the guests, heard of florists and caterers bailing at the last minute, and venues forced by the state to postpone all weddings. As a bride to be, I could only imagine the sky high stress, disappointment, and wasted money.

The whole thing made me realize we should have wedding insurance. It was in the back of my mind for a little while, but now I’m ready to get serious.  I'm not concerned about a hurricane, but I am aware that freak things do happen sometimes. My dress shop could suddenly close or my venue could go bankrupt a month before the wedding. Of course, if those happened, I’m screwed regardless, but at least if I had insurance I wouldn’t be screwed and out thousands of dollars. Call me crazy, but didn't a hurricane flooding Vermont seem crazy too?

Plus, I insure my car, my apartment and my engagement ring, and the wedding, while not a million dollars, isn't exactly a minimal investment either. So why would I not protect that too? At least, this is how I see it, but I’m not sure if I’m crazy, as I really very rarely hear about this despite all the time I spend on wedding sites. Mr. B doesn't think it's necessary, but he's much less of a worrier than I am!

Right now, I'm leaning towards a policy with WedSafe. They’re recommended by Suze Orman, they cover many scenarios (including change of heart, not that I would expect that!) and costs less than 1% of my total budget.

Before I buy though, I'm wondering if anyone has experience or advice with this. If so, please share your stories! And be honest: is it ridiculous to want?

The Lull Stops Now!

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I spent most of this summer putting wedding work on the backburner, but now Labor Day is over, signaling the end of summer, and with it, the end of my laziness. We're 9 months out, and it's time to get back to work.

I'm putting my goals for September on here in the hopes that it will somehow hold me accountable for the things I need to do. You have my full permission to harass me via comments if you don't see posts about this stuff at some point this month!

So, the September To Do List:

1. Call the church up about Pre Cana. Yes, they told you they will always make room for parish members, even if the Diocese says Pre Cana's full. But Pre Cana is 9/17, and you knew about this since last March, there's no excuse for forcing the church to accomodate you at the last minute.

2. Make a decision on save the dates!! Unfortunately this also means tackle the unpleasant guest list, since we need to know who to send them to.

3. Order STDs mid month, send end of month.

4. Start bridesmaid dress shopping. I made some plans with my cousin Katie to start looking, so hopefully I'll have some posts on that soon!

Four things, that's it! Surely I can accomplish these four things!!

Anyone else have some September goals set up?

Really Good Advice

 A while back I posted some questionable marriage advice I’d gotten from random people. Now I want to post the only useful advice I’ve gotten, courtesy of my dad (who has been married to my mom for 37 years).

(Photoshop skillz)

It sounds so simple, but I find it deceptively hard. I mean, don't we often automatically and subconsciously put ourselves first? Take our second week of living together: Mr. B had his last softball doubleheader of the year, and he planned to play. When I found that out, I freaked a little bit. I was nervous being home alone in a new place (I know, I know, grow a set) and offended that he'd want to play when he could be home watching me blowdry my hair and go to bed early.

We argued back and forth a little, he played, I stewed for a day or two, then we moved on. But if we were thinking about each other, not ourselves, I'd realize it was fun and important to him, and he'd realize I felt unsettled and just needed a little extra support. Maybe we could've compromised on him playing only one game: he'd get to play, and he'd be home before I fell asleep. It's maybe a silly example, but these are the kinds of little things that come up all the time, and I do think these little, everyday things are often what your relationship builds on.

Anyone else find this easier said than done sometimes?

How to Be An Awesome Guest at an Engagement Party*

1. Show up with smiles, mucho congratulations, and a camera.

2. Tail party guests with said camera, snapping candids, group shots, and capturing party decoration details. 

3. Print pictures, assemble into an album, and mail to the future bride and groom.

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My cousin Pam did this for Mr. B and I at our engagement party, and I was so, so happy when I received the album in the mail! I am a person who photographs everything I do, but obviously there was no time to hang out behind the lens at my own party. I was bummed about not getting enough pictures, so it was awesome to realize that someone else had taken care of this for us. Plus, she included a CD of the pictures too, so we could print some out on our own as well.

My best friend, BM Kelly, is having an engagement party at the end of October, and I will definitely pull a Pam and act as party paparazzi.

What thoughtful things did people surprise you with for your engagement?

PS: Posting could be erratic this week, Hurricane Irene is set to pummel my state in a matter of hours (eek) and I have no idea what the power/Internet/other situation will look like afterward. Hope anyone in its path stays safe this weekend!!!

Bridesmaid Dresses Begin...

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about the bridesmaids' dresses. For years (literally), I  envisioned the girls in the champagne colored Bow Monde, from J. Crew:

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But we all know how these things go, right? I'm no longer in love with the Bow Monde anymore. I still really like it, but I can't justify making my friends spend $250 on a short dress, particularly when so many other awesome designers exist at lower price points.

Like my beloved Jim Hjelm:

I'm really, really feeling these two dresses, and the color is perfect- a dark enough gold to work on everyone's skin tone. Plus, I bet the girls would feel a little sassier and less bridesmaid-y in a short look.

That said, we are having a black tie optional wedding, so there is a part of me that's thinking I should at least consider long dresses. (That's the part that listens to my mom repeating over and over that the girls should go long!) Long dresses definitely up the fancy factor, and I really love the slim, elegant silhouette they provide. Some of my favorites:

My favorite is the Lazaro in the middle, but it doesn't come in gold, only ivory, which I'm actually not opposed to doing. I've loved the idea of the bridesmaids in a shade similar to white since Charlotte married Trey on SATC, and Kate Middleton and her royal wedding only confirmed it.

So now I just need to get my girls together for some shopping, which is where you guys come in: I want to know, did you take everyone, or did you choose a style with one or two girls and tell the others what to do?  I'm trying to keep this as stress free as possible, but I don't want people to feel left out!