Feb 27, 2012

Our Guest List Drama

I'm learning from my engaged friends that the guest list is one of those wedding elements that's automatically touchy. My friend Jenna's want lots of guests but won't contribute money. Another friend argues with her fiancé over whether or not they should be inviting people from work, which would add around 20 to their list.

Mr. B and I struggle with guest list number. My small family is inviting 50, Mr. B and I are inviting 44, Mr. B's parents are inviting a whopping 150 people.

Thanks to our high guest minimum (we have to guarantee 225 guests), this is not as big of an issue as it could be. But it was still something I really had to adjust to, given that there's about 40 people on the list that I've never actually met. Mr. B's parents throw parties all the time, so it seems odd to me that in six years of dating and attending family parties, so many people who live locally are basically strangers to me. I'm frustrated, but they're also paying for half the wedding, so I can't really do much.

Then there's the issue of a close family friend of theirs that I strongly dislike. Mr. B's mom's best friend's son (following that?) is my best friend's ex. They had a particularly awful breakup that took her years to get over, and the way everything went down, she basically wound up looking dumped, and heartbroken. She's moved on and is engaged now, but I am conscious of the fact that it could be uncomfortable for her to see him. He's also always been extremely rude to me since their break up, avoiding eye contact in church and the like. So in my eyes, he has no place at our wedding.

In FMIL's eyes, it's unfathomable and offensive to her best friend to say that her son is not welcome. And I do understand FMIL's feelings. They're close, friends a long time, and I know her friend tends to be a bit of a drama queen, so I don't doubt there might be a war for her over this. Either way, one of us is in a tricky situation with our best friend.

Mr. B thinks that if we don't invite this guy, everyone will know it's because of my friend, and it will have the effect of making her look pathetic and not over it, the opposite of the truth. He seems to think the way to look at it is "it was five years ago, no one should care anymore," and that we should just act as if it never happened, that even if it's uncomfortable for her it makes a better appearance to just suffer through him. Mr. B's parents are also really upset at the idea of not inviting this guy.

I've discussed this at length with my friend, and being the person that she is, her concern was me- that she felt bad that I was in this position, she understood if I had to invite him, etc. She said she doesn’t like to see him, but reasoned that if he was at our wedding, she probably wouldn’t really have to interact with him in a group of over 200. Plus it is a 50/50 shot of him actually coming (he knows no one besides his parents at our wedding).

It's hard to explain the subtleties of the situation in a blog post, but as of now, we plan to invite him. After some minor standing up for me, Mr. B really didn't agree with me and I guess basically decided he's on team FMIL. I'm feeling a lot of remorse over the situation. I hate the idea of looking like the bad guy to my future inlaws, prolonging the old bad feelings by not inviting him to the wedding, acting like we can't all grow up and move on. Their breakup was almost seven years ago. But at the same time, I really worry that even though my friend seems supportive, I'm making the wrong call and failing some type of test of being there for her. She is one of my best and oldest friends, the only one I have left where our relationship has not been strained at all by us growing up and getting married. I would hate if this situation changed that. This has also caused arguments between me and Mr. B. I really don't know what the right call is. To a degree Mr. B is right, it might make my friend look like she still cared. And it would cause a lot of problems for his parents. But it will probably bug her a little to see him too at the wedding. And I don't particularly care for him, though if he comes I don't even plan to say hello, so I suppose he won't be in my way.

Ugh. So that's my story. Vent your guest list woes below please!

Feb 1, 2012


I have to admit something. The entire tux shopping experience has been a very Bridezilla one for me.

It started with actually getting the time to go and try on some tuxes. Mr. B's schedule is extremely hectic; he works close to 70 hours each week. So it goes without saying he doesn't have a ton of free time, but I kept reminding him that tuxes needed to get done.

And reminding him.

And reminding him.

I started to get really frustrated because I just wanted to check it off the to do list, but he didn't seem to be all that concerned. I knew that this was his job and his call, since it was his outfit, and I tried to stay out of it, but in the end I couldn't deal and called the tux shop and his family to book everyone for a Sunday about a month after I'd brought the subject up.

But you know what? The tux shop we wanted to use told us that the town prom was that weekend, and we were just in time to get stuff booked.

So I win that round.

Lost the next round though, the more important one where we actually pick what the tuxes look like. This is incredibly cheesy to admit, but my original inspiration was James Bond:

I envisioned the guys in a sharp black tux, with a white pleated shirt, black bow tie, and a nice cummerbund. Something classic, gentlemanly, hot, and most notably, NOT a vest. I cannot describe my hatred of vests with a tux. To me, there is nothing that says "cheesy prom rental" like a vest, no matter what color you pick it in. Mr. B agreed with  me, and I was relieved, and expected a smooth experience.

Except when everyone tried tuxes on, guess what they liked?
THE DREADED VEST. My dad looks like a waiter in this thing. Or like he walked out of the 1800s. Ugh.

Seriously people, for comparison, check out my dad modeling the cummerbund look:

ITS SO MUCH BETTER. Classier. Less prom-y. Sharp. Sophisticated!

Yeah, no one liked it.

I have to admit I didn't handle this all that well. We were there with our parents and siblings, and I may have quoted the Men's Wearhouse commercial, saying something along the lines of, "Omg Mr. B, don't you know what they say? When everyone's looking at her she's looking at you. Do you really want me to look at you and see a vest?"

Yikes. Not my proudest moment. I was really struggling with the concept of something in the wedding not being exactly my vision. Mr. B's let me do whatever I want so far, and I was having a hard time with the idea that this time, I might not get my way.

Selfish, shameful, I know. Especially since I want to marry him even if he's standing up there in a Weezer tee.

We compromised on neither a vest nor a cummerbund, though Mr. B did order vests to have on hand, just in case he wanted it at the last minute:

I wish I could say I felt good about the compromise, but honestly I wish he'd ordered the "just in case" cummerbund too and let me convince him into wearing it. I don't know why, but I really love that look!

Okay, I'm going to try to give up the control freak tendencies and chill out. My mom gave me an earful about this situation, believe me. But please tell me I'm not alone- where have you had a serious Bridezilla moment?