Nov 21, 2011

Guest Stress

It's probably safe  to say that every single one of you in wedding world has run into some kind of tricky situation when deciding who to invite to your wedding.
My issue is an enormous guest list, courtesy of Mr. B's family.  
Our venue requires a minimum of 225 people, so the wedding is going to be big no matter what, but the guest list just keeps growing. It frustrates me because I didn't want a huge wedding, and there is a large number of people invited that, to be honest, I just plain don't like. There's also a lot of people that fall into the "we haven't seen them in 15 years but they're our really close friends, we have to invite them" category. My thought process is, if I haven't met or heard of someone in six years of dating Mr. B and attending his numerous family parties, then they don't need to be invited to our wedding.
There's also the guest and kids issue. Everyone's kids "need" to be invited. Like the children of the future in-laws' family friends, whose names Mr. B cannot remember. For example: Mr. B's mom's friend from high school has an 18 year old daughter with a boyfriend, the boyfriend is invited too. (Someone else is following that that's FIVE degrees of separation that we're extending invites out to, right?)  Mr. B's mom is conscious that the list is growing, but seems unwilling to make cuts. She seems very fearful of offending people, and even asked me if it would be okay if she told people my parents were paying and forced her to make cuts, that way she could blame them and no one would get mad at her. (My mom is an incredibly unselfish person, who has said nothing about the guest list, so it is most certainly not okay to throw her name around like that. At least blame me, not my mom!)
It's frustrating because the wedding is expensive and it's a lot of money to keep adding extra people, but Mr. B's family is paying for almost half of it. They're being extremely generous, so I don't want to be a bridezilla, but at the same time, I'm afraid I won't enjoy the reception because it will be filled with strangers or people I don't care for. I don't want to spend my whole time talking, I want to have a second to rock when ACDC hits the speakers. I feel guilty too because of course all of these people I'm complaining about are going to get us gifts, many have already gotten us beautiful, generous engagement gifts. 
I know Mr. B's family thinks I'm a guest list Nazi, and I feel bad about that because they've really let me/us do whatever we want for the wedding. The money they're giving us for the wedding has come with no strings (just people) attached. And of course Mr. B and I aren't seeing eye to eye on this either, and I'm kind of fighting this battle alone, earning that Bridezilla title the whole way.  They're supposed to be sending us their "final" guest list soon, so I'm just praying I'll be able to handle the situation with tact.
In the meantime, where's the line between being gracious, and standing my ground? Do I have anyone's permission to throw a temper tantrum and demand guest cuts?


  1. You have my permission!!!! That's just INSANE! Wow. 5 degrees of separation. I agree with your mentality that if you haven't heard of them in 6 years, they have no place at your wedding! That's perfectly reasonable and I have to say - it's one thing to invite the family friend, another to invite their daughter but no way would I extend to the boyfriend (who I'm assuming you've never met?) xx

  2. Ooof yes I am totally with you 110% if you don't know them you don't want them at your wedding. Im even having a tough time giving singles a plus one just so they can invite some random joe smoeh to the wedding just to have a date..not to mention we are already over our venue max number of individuals. Anywho, I would definitely stand your ground about not using your moms name as the reason why not to invite people, that is just not fair to your sweet unselfish mother. But if the guest list comes back out of control I would have a talk with your future MIL and let her know where you stand. Or ask your future hubs to say something, maybe cutting just a few people would help. The guest list has been our hardest issue too..everyone seems to think they will be getting an invite and a plus one, but we had to draw the line somewhere. This is not a backyard BBQ where we can just throw another burger on the grill and grab a beer from the cooler..this is an expensive wedding..sorry to go but I am dealing with the same issue of friends quasi inviting friends who are not even on the guest list just because they think its just a big ole party.

  3. Amanda- nope, never met the boyfriend, or the daughter, or the parents in question! ACK

    Bride-onicles: Not that I am glad you're having these issues but it is nice to commiserate! We drew the line for dates on whether or not people were in a relationship, our group of guy friends doesn't need to pick up random girls in bars to have dates, they already all know each other and will have fun regardless. At least you are at the max though, then you kind of have an automatic out for additions!

  4. I totally get where you're coming from! The hubby's parents HAD to invite their close friends (who we'd never met). They RSVP'd, which meant we paid for their dinner...and they didnt show. I would feel a little differently if the hubby's parents were helping to pay for the wedding, but nothing was ever offered. ANYWAY, yes, it's upsetting, but I think that since your fiance's fam is helping with costs, it should be alright. Guaranteed you will be too busy enjoying yourself to notice your least favorite guests, and because you're the bride, you can do whatever you want. Even if that means rocking out to ACDC and ignoring unknown guests:) Just send a nice thank you afterward!