Feb 2, 2011

Attitude Adjustment

My best friend got engaged six months before me, and while I was waiting for my ring, we’d spend our days emailing about how exciting it would be to plan our weddings together. We would visit florists together, go dress shopping, and share vendors. Planning together would be so much fun.

In reality, it is a little less collaborative than I expected, and I think this is because we have opposite approaches to wedding planning.

My friend, in life and consequently in her wedding planning, is laidback and unworried.  She set a long engagement, allowing her to take her time. She booked her venue quickly, but relaxed about the other elements of her wedding. Plus, she has always been the type of person to be satisfied. Whatever she finds and likes is good. She trusts her gut and does not nitpick. She does not need to comb through photographer after photographer to convince herself that she has found the best possible one. She finds what she likes, doesn't overthink it, and moves on. It's that simple.

I, on the other hand, have approached wedding planning in a chaotic “must-get-things-done!” frenzy. I nearly lost my shit when a snowstorm postponed my venue search (by a mere 3 days). When the first photographer and band I queried were both booked, I convinced myself that everything was booking right this second, despite hearing back from at least 10 more of each that were available on my date. My phone is constantly ringing with bands wanting to discuss their song list, email flooding with photographers setting up meetings, and florists are demanding to know if I had my dress picked out yet because obviously the bouquet needs to match. I’m scheduling appointment after appointment and feeling frustrated with constantly schlepping around the state, remaining unsatisfied, exhausting options, with contracts still unbooked. I’m panicky about gut feelings (they’re all telling me that everyone we’re looking into sucks and will ruin our wedding and I’m making terrible mistakes), when probably the panic is just a manifestation of anxiety, and not a legitimate feeling. While everyone keeps telling me, “You have time,” all I can think is that time or not, this stuff needs to get done, and I can’t relax until it does!

I can’t, and wouldn’t want, to approach my wedding like my friend. It is not in my nature to go with the flow, and I am pickier about things, and more high maintenance.  But I could stand to calm down a little bit. I’ve let this stress me out to the point where it’s not enjoyable anymore, and maybe it is time to take a step back. There is a photographer out there. There is a band. We’ll probably book our florist this Saturday. It will all get done, and you know what else? It’s a five hour party. A month from now, I'll probably have this taken care of, and once it's done, the amount of stressing I did will seem really silly. I think I am falling into the trap of losing perspective, and right now, I'm setting a goal to calm down and approach this more rationally.

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