Bridesmaid Guilt

The other day, I made a list of the bridesmaids’ potential expenses.

There’s a LOT of them: dress, shoes, accessories, nails, hair, makeup, hotel, bachelorette, shower, and related gifts. Things could quickly could reach the thousand dollar mark.  I am racked with guilt at them spending so much, even though it is the reason that I asked, not told, them to be bridesmaids. We all know what being a bridesmaid entails, and I know they are comfortable or they wouldn't have said yes, yet I still feel bad about it.

To make it easier on them, I wanted to cover hair, makeup, nails, and hotel, but that would be $2,000+ for me, and I can’t definitively commit to all that right now,  especially considering no one else does it. But I feel bad anyway.

For sure, I want to cover makeup OR hair for each bridesmaid, their choice. Which might seem nice, except I’m secretly feeling guilty for an inner bridezilla thought:  certain girls kind of need their makeup done. But you can’t exactly tell your friends, who are beautiful, that their tinted moisturizer won’t photograph well next to professional makeup, right? (Eek I feel mean just typing that!)

I feel guilty that my wedding is going to eat up a lot of their schedules- an entire weekend and probably that Friday off from work, weekends for showers and dress shopping and bachelorettes, especially when they have super busy work and school schedules.

I feel bad that some of them are really unhappily single/waiting and that it's hard on them to be reminded of weddings. They're doing the best they can, I know, though lightening up on the haterade wouldn’t kill them either.

I'm also kind of uncomfortable with the idea that a bridal party feels like choosing favorites. Like, out of 4 equally close cousins, I only chose BM Katie. So doesn't make it seem as if I like her better? I don't, I just thought she'd be the most into it.  Or the maid of honor: it feels a little like openly identifying my favorite person, when all my friends mean a lot to me or they wouldn't be bridesmaids! Even though my MOH is especially significant to me, I hate that it's like saying she's above the rest, when I'm not looking to make any declarations.  It was uncomfortable too because I really struggled with, and still feel uneasy about, not adding BM Kelly as a co-MOH. She is an amazing friend, but at the time I feared offending everyone else by having 2 MOHs (“Oh look, two made the cut but the rest of you still didn’t. Sorry!”). 

And it works both ways- my MOH and BM Kelly are both engaged, and I will not be maid of honor to either of them, which makes me feel (surprise!) bad. Rationally I know it’s stupid, possibly crazy, but I can’t help but feel kind of hurt, as if the two people who are my most important ladies, don’t have reciprocal attitudes about me.

  

But I know when it’s my turn, I am thrilled to be a bridesmaid for my friends. The spending doesn't bother me,  and I’m genuinely pumped to be part of the planning, shopping, and events. So I wonder why I waste my time feeling guilty and assuming my girls don’t feel the same way?

Can anyone identify with my weird mix of bridesmaid guilt and happiness at sharing my wedding with friends?