Required Reading: Interfaith Edition

This particular post may not apply to everyone, but if you are in an interfaith relationship (well, more specifically a Christian/Jewish one), I wanted to share a few books that I found to be very helpful. Also I apologize in advance for the lack of pictures, Blogger's acting funny tonight.

So first things first: the ceremony. I'm using Celebrating Interfaith Marriages: Creating Your Jewish/Christian Ceremony by Rabbi Devon Lerner. The book provides different options and ideas for creating a balanced ceremony that respects both religions' traditions (and families, a big consideration). She includes some sample ceremony ideas, as well as some options for readings. Plus it has info for all branches of Christianity, whether Catholic, Baptist, whatever. Though we have some rules set by our officiants, the book is really helpful for putting together the rest of our ceremony.

And then once you're married, Joan C. Hawxhurst's Interfaith Family Guidebook is a good resource for what comes next. It explains some of the issues interfaith couples may face, some of which never really occurred to me. Plus, it really stresses the importance of open discussion (ie, being able to admit to each other you might just have a complete bias) as well as how to make the discussions productive. It also goes into how holidays can be celebrated, and how to manage family, as interfaith issues can cause problems among family members. It also includes lots of additional resources, like books or websites, for interfaith couples. Just a note, it's out of print, so you do have to get it used Amazon.

If you happen to be in a relationship with someone Jewish (or I guess also if you're interesd in Judaism or Jewish yourself), I highly recommend The Complete Idiot's Guide to Understanding Judaism by Rabbi Ben Blech. This book was so interesting. The author goes through the basic beliefs of Judaism, like Jewish beliefs on Creation, marriage, family, and kosher laws, as well as details the many different Jewish holidays. He tells tons of little parables, includes lots of history and tradition, and the "whys" behind things. I especially love how meaningful and symbolic so many elements of Judaism are. As a pretty strong Catholic I'm not looking to convert, but I found so many things in this book that enhanced or strengthened my current beliefs. It also helped me form a mental outline of which particular holidays we could celebrate, and how.  I've already warned Mr. B's family that we're taking Hanukkah this year!

Conversely, the Idiot's Guide to Catholicism kind of sucked. It lacked the real-life application like the Judaism book had, and really just went into lectures on the politics and history of the Church, Vatican 2, whatnot, with surprisingly not enough actual Jesus. Beyond the New Testament, I can't really suggest a good guide for Christian/Catholic stuff right now, but hey, the NT has all you really need, right?

Required Reading: Marriage

Recently, I found myself in the midst of a minor freakout about getting married. I started to realize that there were some life aspects we hadn’t solidly figured out- like our future kids’ religion, where we’d live when I found a new job, how long we planned to stay and where we’d go next. We had ideas about these, but no definitive plans.

So being the complete geek book junkie that I am, I bought a book to help structure our little chats: 1001 Question to Ask Before You Get Married, by Monica Mendez Leahy.  The book includes exhaustive lists of questions on tons of topics, including children, relationship to parents/in-laws, childhood, career, unemployment, money, situational questions, even specifics like defining what you both consider cheating.  

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Mr. B and I decided to go through the book. 1001 questions is a lot, and sometimes it only takes one question to spark a long discussion, so it’s not exactly something you do in a day. But we have covered some topics I never thought to discuss, like how our childhoods affect us today, our individual relationships with our parents, and what we wanted to copy or avoid from our parents’ marriages. The discussions were eye opening and interesting, plus helped us verbally solidify things that were maybe instinctive, but not previously discussed. It’s possibly a cheesy thing to do, but we are entering into an institution with a pretty high fail rate, so I figured anything that might give us an advantage going in is good to me!

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I also loved the realistic and adorable Project Everlasting, by Mat Boggs and Jason Miller. The two bachelor authors travel the country, interviewing couples still in love after 40+ years, as they attempt to discover what makes marriage work.  The stories range from couples who knew from the first second they met, to challenges couples had faced over the years and how they overcame them. Almost every couple went through a crappy period that could have led to divorce, but they worked through it to become stronger than ever, and their tips and stories are things I hope to put into work in my own marriage if need be.

The authors also have a website, and here is a recent story from the site that totally made me a little teary at work today. It’s pretty similar to the type of stuff in the book:

Trapani Love Story

Okay fine, one more because I am a total sap for these stories!

Nancy and Bill 

Has anyone read either of these books, or something similar they’d recommend?



Required Reading

I am a book junkie*. I will read about anything, and I read like crazy- in fourth grade, I won a contest for reading 40 books in one month! (I am a little less intense now).

My reading obsession has combined itself with my wedding planning obsession, and consequently I’ve consumed a ton of books and magazines on the subject.

But really, there is only one wedding planning book you need. Brides, you know what I’m talking about: