Addressing Etiquette

Sending our save the dates meant that Mr. B and I had to learn all those rules about how you properly address an envelope. You know, does the wife go first? Doctor first? What if the wife’s the doctor?

So I figured I’d put the rules down here, to save someone out there the trouble of looking them up. I compiled with the assistance of my girl Martha, the ladies of the Knot, and our calligrapher on the “right” way to address things. Do it your way, of course, but if you want the official “rules,” here they are:

Spell Out:

• House numbers smaller than 20
• State abbreviations (New Jersey)
• Street abbreviations (10 Main Street)
• The word “apartment”
• Post Office Box

Addressing Rules:

• If husband is a doctor, it would be “Doctor and Mrs. Daniel Brummel.”
• If wife is a doctor, it is “Doctor Sally Brummel and Mr. Daniel Brummel”
• Both doctors, “The Doctors Brummel.”
• If they have different professional titles, it is “The Honorable Rachel Hayden and Lieutenant Ryen Slegr.
• If the wife kept her maiden name, it should go first: “Mrs. Rachel Hayden and Mr. Ryen Slegr.
• Unmarrieds living together are separated by a line, as in:
                 Miss Britney Spears
                 Mr. Joseph Hawley
• If children are invited, the outer envelope is only addressed to the parents, as in “Mr. and Mrs. Andrew Horowitz.” Then, on the inner envelope, include the kids, as in:
                 Mr. and Mrs. Ross Federman
                 Jack and Jill
• For single people, address the outer envelope with their name, and include “and guest” on the inner envelope.
• For a same-sex couple, it is like any other couple: Mr. Jose Galvez and Mr. Robert Cantor.
• Children over 18, even if living with parents, should receive their own invitation

Doing the save the dates also brought up some of those fighty, awkward questions, like who really needs to bring a date, and must we honestly invite those people’s kids?  Things will still change slightly by the time we do invitations, I’m sure, but it’s a good time to hammer out all those details.

Hope this helps!

Further Resources: The Knot, Martha Stewart Weddings

In Case of a Wedding Disaster

 Source

For those of us that live on the East coast, the post-Hurricane Irene news stories contained tons of tales of weddings ruined by the storm. We saw optimistic brides and grooms throwing it down anyway, despite cancellations by half the guests, heard of florists and caterers bailing at the last minute, and venues forced by the state to postpone all weddings. As a bride to be, I could only imagine the sky high stress, disappointment, and wasted money.

The whole thing made me realize we should have wedding insurance. It was in the back of my mind for a little while, but now I’m ready to get serious.  I'm not concerned about a hurricane, but I am aware that freak things do happen sometimes. My dress shop could suddenly close or my venue could go bankrupt a month before the wedding. Of course, if those happened, I’m screwed regardless, but at least if I had insurance I wouldn’t be screwed and out thousands of dollars. Call me crazy, but didn't a hurricane flooding Vermont seem crazy too?

Plus, I insure my car, my apartment and my engagement ring, and the wedding, while not a million dollars, isn't exactly a minimal investment either. So why would I not protect that too? At least, this is how I see it, but I’m not sure if I’m crazy, as I really very rarely hear about this despite all the time I spend on wedding sites. Mr. B doesn't think it's necessary, but he's much less of a worrier than I am!

Right now, I'm leaning towards a policy with WedSafe. They’re recommended by Suze Orman, they cover many scenarios (including change of heart, not that I would expect that!) and costs less than 1% of my total budget.

Before I buy though, I'm wondering if anyone has experience or advice with this. If so, please share your stories! And be honest: is it ridiculous to want?

Dress Shopping Tips

I’ve finally found my dress!!! My lips are zipped on this one though- I don’t want any details to leak to the B-man!

Dress shopping was easily my favorite part of wedding planning, despite the overwhelming amount of choices out there. It’s a big decision- it’s one time where everyone actually is looking at you. And unlike buying a dress in the mall, you can’t just return it if dress regret sneaks up on you. So I thought I’d put together some tips I came up with from my shopping experiences:

1. Make appointments to try on. Lie and say your wedding date is 2 weeks earlier, just in case.
2.  Try on every style at least once, even if you think you hate it. The results will surprise (maybe confuse) you!
3. Wear your favorite outfit shopping. The consultant will look at your clothes to size up your style, so help her out by wearing an outfit that’s very “you.”  I wore my uniform of a cardigan/skinny jeans/ giant pearls and was surprised at how many consultants got my style (classic and simple) right away. They brought me some great dress options, including the one I bought, which I would have never looked twice at on my own. Bringing pictures helps too!
4. DO NOT GIVE IN TO ANY PRESSURE TO BUY THAT DAY. Seriously. Don’t rush this decision because they offer you a deal that they say only lasts for 24 hours! I promise you that they want to make the sale, and if you come back a week later and ask for it, that discount will miraculously reappear.
5. Sneak pictures if you can, because you might forget what your favorite dress looked like. Some shops let you take pictures, but many don’t, so keep an eye out for when the saleslady steps away and jump on the chance. Don’t be stupid and forget like I did, and have to go back a billion times to try the same thing on because you can’t remember exactly how it looked.
6. Don’t bring too many people, because it clouds judgment. Trust your sense of style, and remember that surprising everyone with your dress is better than letting them all see it in advance! 
7. Once you’ve found your dress, call a few salons for price comparison. I found mine priced at $3100, $3500, and $3800 in different stores.  Take into account alteration costs and accessory discounts when determining the best deal- the lowest priced dress might not be the best overall deal.

And here’s just a few things to make sure go on the receipt, just in case:

• Exact designer, style number, color, and store’s size recommendation.
• Delivery estimate
• Any special requests you may have – ie, if you are adding buttons to the back and the dress has to be made with button loops, get it in writing.
• Alterations estimate and the number of fittings
• Any discounts- for example, my bridal shop is giving me a discount on bridesmaid dresses, so I had that printed on the receipt. It’s a reputable store, but they’re not immune to forgetfulness, and I don’t want any issues  when I bring in the girls.

Okay, I should show some kind of picture, so I will leave you with the dress I was thisclose to buying. It was between this one and the one I actually got. I tried them both on three separate times, but the last time it was so clear to me that this one was the wrong choice. It’s still gorgeous though:

JimHjelm, style 8057

I cannot wait to wear the real dress!  

Required Reading: Interfaith Edition

This particular post may not apply to everyone, but if you are in an interfaith relationship (well, more specifically a Christian/Jewish one), I wanted to share a few books that I found to be very helpful. Also I apologize in advance for the lack of pictures, Blogger's acting funny tonight.

So first things first: the ceremony. I'm using Celebrating Interfaith Marriages: Creating Your Jewish/Christian Ceremony by Rabbi Devon Lerner. The book provides different options and ideas for creating a balanced ceremony that respects both religions' traditions (and families, a big consideration). She includes some sample ceremony ideas, as well as some options for readings. Plus it has info for all branches of Christianity, whether Catholic, Baptist, whatever. Though we have some rules set by our officiants, the book is really helpful for putting together the rest of our ceremony.

And then once you're married, Joan C. Hawxhurst's Interfaith Family Guidebook is a good resource for what comes next. It explains some of the issues interfaith couples may face, some of which never really occurred to me. Plus, it really stresses the importance of open discussion (ie, being able to admit to each other you might just have a complete bias) as well as how to make the discussions productive. It also goes into how holidays can be celebrated, and how to manage family, as interfaith issues can cause problems among family members. It also includes lots of additional resources, like books or websites, for interfaith couples. Just a note, it's out of print, so you do have to get it used Amazon.

If you happen to be in a relationship with someone Jewish (or I guess also if you're interesd in Judaism or Jewish yourself), I highly recommend The Complete Idiot's Guide to Understanding Judaism by Rabbi Ben Blech. This book was so interesting. The author goes through the basic beliefs of Judaism, like Jewish beliefs on Creation, marriage, family, and kosher laws, as well as details the many different Jewish holidays. He tells tons of little parables, includes lots of history and tradition, and the "whys" behind things. I especially love how meaningful and symbolic so many elements of Judaism are. As a pretty strong Catholic I'm not looking to convert, but I found so many things in this book that enhanced or strengthened my current beliefs. It also helped me form a mental outline of which particular holidays we could celebrate, and how.  I've already warned Mr. B's family that we're taking Hanukkah this year!

Conversely, the Idiot's Guide to Catholicism kind of sucked. It lacked the real-life application like the Judaism book had, and really just went into lectures on the politics and history of the Church, Vatican 2, whatnot, with surprisingly not enough actual Jesus. Beyond the New Testament, I can't really suggest a good guide for Christian/Catholic stuff right now, but hey, the NT has all you really need, right?

Required Reading

I am a book junkie*. I will read about anything, and I read like crazy- in fourth grade, I won a contest for reading 40 books in one month! (I am a little less intense now).

My reading obsession has combined itself with my wedding planning obsession, and consequently I’ve consumed a ton of books and magazines on the subject.

But really, there is only one wedding planning book you need. Brides, you know what I’m talking about: