Want It, Can't Have It

Something I’ve noticed in wedding planning is that there's so many awesome items out there that it’s extremely easy to fall  head over heels for something that just doesn’t work for your affair. Like you might be having a formal blacktie reception and then die for rustic letterpress invites that look like concert posters. When that happens, sometimes you just have to admit defeat and move on, leaving your loved item behind.

I’m having this issue with my bridesmaids’ dresses. I am obsessed with a Lazaro to the point that I like it as much as my own dress (also Lazaro, coincidentally) and I’m honestly kinda jealous I don’t get to wear  it. It literally hurts to think about how elegant my girls are going to look. I’m not kidding.

Here, see for yourself!

That’s my maid of honor, looking awesome. And yes, that is a train- I LOVE that feature!

Problem is, the dress only comes in really dark colors, and I had my heart set on a cream and gold color scheme. I’m totally willing to compromise on the shade of gold- champagne, fawn, bronze, whatever- but not on the gold itself. This blue color is really amazing, but it’s not gold. The dress comes in a pretty shade of silver, but again, that’s not gold. And I love gold bridesmaids:

My original inspiration for gold, from the Knot

There is a small ray of light: the owner of the shop where I bought my dress is seeing the Lazaro spring show this Saturday, and if the spring line includes gold, she may be able to preorder it. But no guarantees.

So I’m prepping myself for defeat, and trying to move on to another dress. Right now,  I’m leaning towards these two options (in gold, of course):

 Impressions 3107- I do really like this, and the pearl brooch goes with my pearl theme!

 This was nice, hard to tell since it's a size 100 million, but very flattering. I'm a little concerned the satin quality is cheap looking though. This is a Dessy, but I forget the style number.

Thoughts? Which ones do you guys like?

Now We're Set

Lately I’ve been wanting to think about the detail elements of the wedding- paper, card boxes, flowers- but I’ve found myself with piles of inspiration and no cohesive theme. Cream, gold, lace, pearls, baby blue, and sapphire blurred together in my head, crippling me from getting started.

Enter Jenny Orsini, wedding planner and owner of Pampered Bride Weddings (and wedding planning superstar to me).

We didn’t have the budget for a full-on wedding planner, but my mom suggested we meet with her for her theme and décor consultation service. It was affordable, and my mom reasoned it was worth it to spend a little and solidify things now, to avoid making pricey mistakes later on. 

And I am SO glad we went. I showed up with a collection of inspiration pictures, and Jenny got my style immediately. She was super nice and came up with many ideas that I loved. She was upfront about money and honest about what would be in our decor/floral budget. She helped me to realize the design elements I really wanted were lace and pearls, and that the baby blue I was trying to make happen was just not going to work. We came up with the look for the tables, flowers, and paper products, which I’ll be posting about as I do them, but here’s a sneak preview for now:

I'm honestly still swooning

We got some good pieces of advice, which were all things I've stupidly never thought of, so I’ll share below:

• Put some effort into the placecard table since it’s the first  thing guests see when they walk in, before the cocktail hour, and before the ceremony.  (Guess who did not once even think about this? Oh hi me).
• Table settings are how you bring your theme to life. I had assumed linens, chargers, etc were out of our budget. She showed us how to make it work, and I am SO much more excited about things now.
• She was able to give honest (if a little scary!) feedback on our vendors, since they were all people she was very familiar with. We may be looking for a new florist now, but we appreciated the nobullshit talk.  
• Bridesmaids: they should never be as elegant as you (that sounds terrible in writing, I'm sorry!), and don't worry if they don't match your room decor exactly. They'll be photographed next to you, not next to your table setting. 

I’m extremely grateful to my mom for the idea to do this. We had a ton of fun planning, and now I feel so much more like I’m back in the swing of things and ready to make things happen.  

Any of you out there using a wedding planner at all? 

Friendship Changes

At my first job, I shared a cube with a girl named Cindy, who had the most gorgeous wedding ever, a destination in the Bahamas. I loved to look at her pictures.

I noticed in the ceremony shots she surrounded entirely by guys. “Where’s your bridal party?” I asked.

She explained that they decided to have her husbands’ two brothers as best men, and her best friend of 17 years as her maid of honor, except the girl was clearly nowhere to be found.

“She got married and stopped talking to me” Cindy explained, as if this was totally normal.

I was confused. “That doesn’t make sense.”

Cindy told me that she’d been the maid of honor in her best friend’s destination wedding 8 months prior, but by the time it was her turn, her friend was settled into married life, spending her time with her husband and their families. She said her friend barely returned her calls, and had very little interest in keeping the friendship up. By the time Cindy’s wedding rolled around, their friendship was in such disrepair that the girl wasn’t even invited.

Okay look, I don’t know Cindy or her friend too well; her story may have more to it,  but I was 22 and fresh out of college when I heard this, and it totally freaked me out. My life was still about being attached to my roommates, bonding over dollar mugs of beer and Sunday movie marathons. I couldn’t imagine the idea of that any of it changing. Cindy had always struck me as a bit odd, so I shrugged off the story, assuming that kind of thing didn’t happen to, well, more normal people.

Yeeeeah… it does. (You knew that was coming, right?)  I haven’t had a situation quite as dramatic as Cindy’s, but I notice changes in other areas. Some friendships change because we’re in different life circumstances, and either can’t or don’t want to bother understanding each other. Some friends fade more, when you realize who you really have time for. And some friendships I took for granted I’m now realizing are the best ones I have.

One of said dollar mug drunk nights

I’m changing too. I notice myself actively disengaging from certain people. Mr. B and I have a hilarious and awesome group of guy friends, who I used to have personal relationships with. I think they’re awesome but I have less in common with them. Their lives are about picking up girls in a West Village bar until 4 am, which is cool for them, but I’m more likely to get my panties in a bunch over the latest issue of Food and Wine (I really wish I was kidding).

So things do change. At 22, it never occurred to me I’d stop dressing up in spiky heels and pregaming on $4 champagne. Or at least, I didn’t know it would end quickly. I miss it sometimes, but I’m also different too, learning more about myself, my friendships, and my priorities. And you know what? I’m still lucky enough to be surrounded by great people.

And if I need to revert back, I am only a 10 minute train ride from those West Village bars.

 The drinking buddies at a bar night in Cabo last month

Have you seen changes in your friendships as you’ve gotten older and/or engaged?

Pre Cana Recap

One thing’s checked off the September to do list: Pre Cana! The diocese was kind enough to squeeze us in, and we got to participate at my home parish, in a Pre Cana led by the deacon who will be marrying us. All Pre Canas seem to be different, so I'll recap ours in case anyone is wondering about what happens. 

 Source

Mr. B and I were not exactly looking forward to it, as there was a Michigan game on and we were hoping to watch it at a local bar. I didn’t expect Pre Cana to be horrible or anything, just thought I’d need to hold my eyelids open to keep from falling asleep.

Luckily, I was wrong. The day started with a decently entertaining version of the Newylwed Game, and then was divided into two parts. The first focused on marital communication and the second on sexuality and spirituality (actually less cringeworthy than it sounds). Both followed the same format, where a panel of facilitator couples (married from 15-40 years), discussed their experiences on topics like communication or newlywed adjustments. After the panel discussion, we broke into smaller groups, each led by a facilitator couple. They asked us questions about our relationships, like whether we’d discussed sharing holidays or how we expected our relationship to change over the years. It was actually pretty interesting to listen to the couples’ stories, and I definitely appreciated their candor. Personally, I love to hear about people’s experiences, and since my own parents tend to be a little reserved/closed off on these types of discussions, it was really nice to hear from the church couples.

I also really enjoyed the discussion on how the couples’ relationships with God changed over the years. Most of the women had been practicing Catholics their whole lives, but had husbands who were basically atheists or lapsed Catholics at the time of the wedding.  As part of an interfaith couple, it was very comforting to me to hear how these role model couples did, over time, find ways to God together.

In the interest of honesty I will admit there were some squirmy points (Natural Family Planning) and a few snooze worthy moments, but for the most part I found us surrounded by a very nice group of engaged couples, and a great group of married couples working with us. It was really a very positive experience, and definitely not the worst part of wedding planning so far!

Save the Date Poll

Alright, we're really trying to choose a save the date by the end of the week. But I need your opinions! 

Would you get something you absolutely love that's a bit more expensive, that matches your invite suite, as below:

 (Gilt Edge Card, customized at William Arthur)

Or something that uses your nice engagement photos, your fiance likes better, and is much cheaper? Like below:

(Wedding Paper Divas "Beautiful Band")

If it helps, we're talking like a $150ish difference. I do love the first option, and the difference isn't exactly bank breaking, so I'm questioning if it's dumb to obsess over the budget. But then again, $150 here and there it adds up- it could be tips for vendors, my hair, makeup for two bridesmaids, etc. Cause it's not like the save the dates are the only place where we can scrape a bit off the budget.

So which would you go with? Pricey but you love, or pretty good and less expensive?

In Case of a Wedding Disaster

 Source

For those of us that live on the East coast, the post-Hurricane Irene news stories contained tons of tales of weddings ruined by the storm. We saw optimistic brides and grooms throwing it down anyway, despite cancellations by half the guests, heard of florists and caterers bailing at the last minute, and venues forced by the state to postpone all weddings. As a bride to be, I could only imagine the sky high stress, disappointment, and wasted money.

The whole thing made me realize we should have wedding insurance. It was in the back of my mind for a little while, but now I’m ready to get serious.  I'm not concerned about a hurricane, but I am aware that freak things do happen sometimes. My dress shop could suddenly close or my venue could go bankrupt a month before the wedding. Of course, if those happened, I’m screwed regardless, but at least if I had insurance I wouldn’t be screwed and out thousands of dollars. Call me crazy, but didn't a hurricane flooding Vermont seem crazy too?

Plus, I insure my car, my apartment and my engagement ring, and the wedding, while not a million dollars, isn't exactly a minimal investment either. So why would I not protect that too? At least, this is how I see it, but I’m not sure if I’m crazy, as I really very rarely hear about this despite all the time I spend on wedding sites. Mr. B doesn't think it's necessary, but he's much less of a worrier than I am!

Right now, I'm leaning towards a policy with WedSafe. They’re recommended by Suze Orman, they cover many scenarios (including change of heart, not that I would expect that!) and costs less than 1% of my total budget.

Before I buy though, I'm wondering if anyone has experience or advice with this. If so, please share your stories! And be honest: is it ridiculous to want?

The Lull Stops Now!

Source

I spent most of this summer putting wedding work on the backburner, but now Labor Day is over, signaling the end of summer, and with it, the end of my laziness. We're 9 months out, and it's time to get back to work.

I'm putting my goals for September on here in the hopes that it will somehow hold me accountable for the things I need to do. You have my full permission to harass me via comments if you don't see posts about this stuff at some point this month!

So, the September To Do List:

1. Call the church up about Pre Cana. Yes, they told you they will always make room for parish members, even if the Diocese says Pre Cana's full. But Pre Cana is 9/17, and you knew about this since last March, there's no excuse for forcing the church to accomodate you at the last minute.

2. Make a decision on save the dates!! Unfortunately this also means tackle the unpleasant guest list, since we need to know who to send them to.

3. Order STDs mid month, send end of month.

4. Start bridesmaid dress shopping. I made some plans with my cousin Katie to start looking, so hopefully I'll have some posts on that soon!

Four things, that's it! Surely I can accomplish these four things!!

Anyone else have some September goals set up?