Cautionary Tale

Weddings are important for a lot of people involved- parents, grandparents, siblings- not just the bride and groom, and it's easy to feel pressured to make everyone feel happy and involved.

I ran into this situation with wedding dress shopping. My mother very much wanted that to be a mother/daughter only experience, but Mr. B's mom also really wanted to be involved. Both women felt strongly, and I was feeling the pressure on both sides. I was also nervous because Mr. B's mom has a little bit of a blabbing habit at times.
FMIL B eventually wore us down though, and we brought her along for a trip.

A mistake, as not even two hours after returning from the store, she described the entire experience to Mr. B and his dad, detailing a contender dress' price, veil, and beaded sash.

So I decided not to involve her again. I didn't even tell her when we found, and bought, my real dress.

But when it came in, she started asking to come to fittings, which I ignored until she eventually came to me in tears, saying that she felt like I didn't want her to see the dress. I should have been strong and honest and explained I wanted it to be a surprise, but instead, I caved, and invited her to the next fitting.

She came, and swore up and down she wouldn't say anything to anyone, and it seemed fine. My mother even admitted we were probably causing more bad feelings by being so secretive. Everything seemed okay.
Till this weekend, when I was driving back from dinner with Mr. B and his parents. His mom's friend had gotten a dress for the wedding that was ivory and shared some similarities to my dress*, and Mr. B's mom told me the story and all about this girl's dress, saying, "You'd be so proud of me, I didn't tell her anything! Even though the dress is the same color as yours! And even though it has this detail that's similar to yours!" etc, etc. All while Mr. B sat in the back of the car, listening to everything.

In one fell swoop of a stupid, pointless, not even remotely interesting story, she blew it all. Mr. B coughed loudly in the back, reminding her that he was in the car, and she stopped dead and said, "Oh my gosh" realizing what she had just done.

Everyone started yelling at her and she kept apologizing. It was a supremely awkward, tense car ride. She felt really bad, I could tell, and kept apologizing repeatedly.

I do know it was an accident, but that's exactly the kind of thing I expected from her, and the reason I hesitated on involving her. I'm really upset that some of my dress may be given away to Mr. B, and I feel upset that I ruined a mother-daughter thing my mom wanted.

I mentioned before how I got suckered into inviting a close friend's ex to my wedding, and just like that situation, I really regret not just standing up for myself. I felt strongly about not wanting her involved, but I was afraid to offend his family and afraid to look like a Bridezilla, especially since I knew I had been very Type A, possibly slightly bossy, on a lot of details so far. But you know what? We're getting married and I'm not going anywhere. It would have been okay to stand up for myself, and if she got upset about it, too bad.

I'm not writing this to complain about FMIL B, I'm just writing this to warn other brides that if you feel strongly, don't worry about what someone else thinks. YBe true to yourself and don't worry about offending or annoying people, because you inevitably will anyway.


*What the F$#%?!

Apparently I Need a Million Dresses

It's amazing how many new outfits we need for wedding events. I put all my energy into finding the perfect  wedding dress (success!) only to forget that I need dresses for my engagement pictures, engagement party, bachelorette, bridal shower, and rehearsal dinner. In real life I'm a serial outfit repeater but the same people are at all these super-photographed events, so I must shed my repetitive ways and drag my butt shopping.


Finding outfits is made harder by the fact that I've been to basically zero bridal showers and rehearsal dinners, so I have no idea what's appropriate. My mother also insists on making my shower a surprise, and the only outfit guidance I've gotten is "You better wear heels" and "Consider leopard."


Right now, I'm planning to wear this dress from Express for my shower:

In all honesty I don't LOVE it, the material is only of mediocre quality, but I'm pretty sure the shower is fast approaching and I really haven't found anything else. I do plan to accessorize it better- a neater black cardigan, giant pearl necklace, giant pearl bracelet- so hopefully that'll help.


What I did really love was this, but cannot justify spending $400 on a dress. Also it's not leopard:

Kate Spade Bailey dress from Bloomingdale's

For the rehearsal dinner, I bought this pretty dress on a major sale in J.Crew. I'm not totally sold on it either though. 

J.Crew Marla dress

I had wanted a more retro silhouette:

Alice and Olivia Marie Dress, Bloomingdale's.com

Or something just more sparkly/bright/fun:

Badgley Mischka Orion shift, Halston confetti dot dress, Theia fuschia party palm dress- pics from Rent the Runway

These are all from Rent the Runway, I can't afford to actually buy any of these. I have never used the site before but am definitely considering experimenting with it for one of these events.

Such as my bachelorette. I love the Herve Leger bandage dresses, they scream bachelorette to me. I would DEFINITELY never buy or rewear one, so a rental option is a great idea for that. I love this new spring shade:

Herve Leger from Shopbop.com

 The only thing I'm set with? My morning after brunch dress, which will definitely be repeated during my honeymoon:

 Lilly Pulitzer Bloomy Dress

I have wanted a Lilly dress forever and finally found one that fits. It's a little pricey, but I think Lilly is classic- those fun patterns and prints are in style every summer.


What are you guys wearing for all the events surrounding your wedding? Send some inspiration my way!

Bridesmaids' Dresses

BM Kelly surprised me this past Saturday by being the first bridesmaid to go try on her dress. I didn't even know she was going, so I was very excited when I randomly received a text message picture of her in the dress!

If you recall, I was a little nervous about the dresses. I had only seen my chosen champagne shade on a small swatch, and I was nervous that in an entire dress, it might be super close to white. Well, I am very happy I went with my gut and original design inspiration, because they look GREAT:

On BM Kelly (Personal Pic)

 Dress is Alvina Valenta 9866, not yet altered.

Admittedly, the photo's color is a little off, but I think we can all tell this doesn't look white. I love how the light shade really allows you to see the detail in the neckline, and I love the fitted look. I can't wait to see the finished product when it's actually altered, and to see the color in person, not just a yellowed out iPhone shot. I'm thinking when we're all together, we'll look something like this:

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We have similar color dresses, a similar junior bridesmaid dress, and very similar flowers planned. I love having this picture as a "preview" of my ideas. 

It's so excited to start seeing everything coming together!

Pearl Patrol

MY DRESS IS IN!!! Nine months after ordering, it's finally here and I am SO excited. I get to try it on in two weeks and I really feel almost physically sick with excitement. I love that dress so much.

Of course, this means I can no longer put off my search for bridal accessories. I've got the shoes and underwear, but still need jewelry. I'm definitely wearing pearls, because I am obsessed with them. Observe my little corkboard of favorite jewelry, this is only part of the collection:

Unfortunately, out of six strands there and more in another closet, nothing works for the wedding day. So now I'm on the hunt for more. I'm looking for a big statement necklace, and recently discovered Miriam Haskell jewelry, which has a lot of great, if somewhat expensive, options.  I'm loving this one:

From Miriam Haskell

Haskells' return policy makes me nervous (you pay a 15% restocking fee, which, when the necklaces are near $300, can get high) so I"m considering maybe hitting up Rent the Runway for this bad boy:

Source

Only issue with that is, what if I get the necklace on the day of and it doesn't work?

This four strand by J.Crew is beautiful but I'm not sure if it will be too long for the neckline of my dress. It's hard to judge because it's not like I can carry my dress with me when I shop! This one is also a bit pricey:

From J.Crew

I keep thinking I should be able to find pearls cheaper, but a scan of JC Penney and Macy's turned up no luck. It's seriously amazing how I can turn something as simple as buying a pearl necklace into a huge project.

At least I'm covered with the earrings and bracelet- I'll be wearing a plain pair of small pearl studs from my uncle Paul, and a bracelet Mr. B got me from J.Crew for Christmas.

What are you guys doing for wedding day accessories?

In Search of a Veil

To me, the veil is what really makes the bridal look, and I can't wait to wear one. Unsurprisingly, I'm incredibly picky about what type of veil I want. I hate veils that are really long, and I hate drop veils. I hate lace on the edges, and I hate retro-y, birdcage style veils. I mean, all of these are perfectly nice and appropriate with certain style weddings, but they're not me.

According to me, the perfect veil is:

Petite fingertip length:

Extra full:

Edged in satin:

Angled sides:

And definitely with a blusher.

So armed with that nitpicky list, I'm going to start my shopping soon.

Were you guys really picky about any specific detail of your outfit?

(all pictures from veilshop.com) 

THE Shoes

You guys. Forget what I said about not wearing heels. I have found the world's most perfect wedding shoe, and am determined to make it mine. I don't even care that they're ridiculously expensive. I don't care that I'll be a gangly giant. They're beautiful. So beautiful I plan to display them on a shelf in my apartment after the wedding. (Creepy? Possibly).

The object of my affection is the Badgley Mischka Lacie, in seafoam.

From Zappos.com

If my entire wedding inspiration could be condensed into a shoe, this is it.

Thank God tallmenshoes.com exists. Mr. B, I hope you're ready for your man platforms.

That is all.

Bridesmaid Reveal

We finally have bridesmaids dresses! After a uanimous decision by my five bridesmaids, we went with the Alvina Valenta 9866:

 Oh, you mean you can't tell anything by looking at this ridiculous pose? Try this: 

The girls really looked beautiful in this dress. Since they're all attractive and the dress is fairly straightforward, I assumed they'd look good, but my expectations were exceeded when I actually saw all of them in it. It looked great!

We ordered it in taupe satin-faced taffeta, which is the color seen here (this the dress we ordered for Toni, my junior BM):

Admittedly, I've got the heebie jeebies with the color. We saw it in person, but on a very 90s-style dress, which threw me off. And it looks super light in that pic, although when I had it next to a wedding gown in the store it looked fine. I think I am just getting a little nervous signing off on something when I haven't really seen the whole picture. I mean, you don't normally buy clothes by picking a style and color and never seeing the whole thing together!

Regardless, I'm so happy to have this task done! Plus it makes me love the girls even more- they all were able to take time out of their crazy schedules on the Saturday after Thanksgiving to meet up, and we all went out to lunch after and had a great day. Most of them knew each other already, but it was great to see everyone getting along and having fun, and it definitely makes me even more excited for all of the other events we'll spend together in and around the wedding!

Bridesmaid Indecision

After a bit more bridesmaid dress shopping, I've narrowed things down to two final choices. But it's hard to decide on which look to go with, as they're very different and I think the decision may swing the overall concept of the wedding in a certain direction. I'm torn because one is pretty, safe, and traditional, while the other is more my style but also more of a risk. Somehow, I find myself weirdly afraid to do something that is exactly in line with my inspiration board.

Here's the first, Alvina Valenta #9866. It's beautiful and classic, and the girls like it, but it's sort of typical bridesmaidy. I would do it in a pale champagne taffeta:

Alvina Valenta 9866.  

It's very elegant, traditional, and formal. It seems that whenever I make wedding decisions, I pick things that are elegant, traditional, and formal.

But let's recall my inspiration board:

It's more like elegant, romantic, and vintage. And I feel like this dress suits that concept better:

Nordstrom

Plus it has the added bonus of being $100 cheaper and genuinely rewearable, though those advantages are tempered by the drawback of being harder to alter- you can't cut through that lace.

So there's the dilemma. Crazy lady that I am, I'm going to buy the lace one tomorrow and bring it to my dress shop to see it next to my dress. I'm hoping it will look either shockingly awful or really, really awesome. That'll make my decision easier!

Which do you guys like better? Does anyone else feel weirdly afraid to "go for it" with some element of the wedding?

Want It, Can't Have It

Something I’ve noticed in wedding planning is that there's so many awesome items out there that it’s extremely easy to fall  head over heels for something that just doesn’t work for your affair. Like you might be having a formal blacktie reception and then die for rustic letterpress invites that look like concert posters. When that happens, sometimes you just have to admit defeat and move on, leaving your loved item behind.

I’m having this issue with my bridesmaids’ dresses. I am obsessed with a Lazaro to the point that I like it as much as my own dress (also Lazaro, coincidentally) and I’m honestly kinda jealous I don’t get to wear  it. It literally hurts to think about how elegant my girls are going to look. I’m not kidding.

Here, see for yourself!

That’s my maid of honor, looking awesome. And yes, that is a train- I LOVE that feature!

Problem is, the dress only comes in really dark colors, and I had my heart set on a cream and gold color scheme. I’m totally willing to compromise on the shade of gold- champagne, fawn, bronze, whatever- but not on the gold itself. This blue color is really amazing, but it’s not gold. The dress comes in a pretty shade of silver, but again, that’s not gold. And I love gold bridesmaids:

My original inspiration for gold, from the Knot

There is a small ray of light: the owner of the shop where I bought my dress is seeing the Lazaro spring show this Saturday, and if the spring line includes gold, she may be able to preorder it. But no guarantees.

So I’m prepping myself for defeat, and trying to move on to another dress. Right now,  I’m leaning towards these two options (in gold, of course):

 Impressions 3107- I do really like this, and the pearl brooch goes with my pearl theme!

 This was nice, hard to tell since it's a size 100 million, but very flattering. I'm a little concerned the satin quality is cheap looking though. This is a Dessy, but I forget the style number.

Thoughts? Which ones do you guys like?

Bridesmaid Dresses Begin...

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about the bridesmaids' dresses. For years (literally), I  envisioned the girls in the champagne colored Bow Monde, from J. Crew:

a

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But we all know how these things go, right? I'm no longer in love with the Bow Monde anymore. I still really like it, but I can't justify making my friends spend $250 on a short dress, particularly when so many other awesome designers exist at lower price points.

Like my beloved Jim Hjelm:

I'm really, really feeling these two dresses, and the color is perfect- a dark enough gold to work on everyone's skin tone. Plus, I bet the girls would feel a little sassier and less bridesmaid-y in a short look.

That said, we are having a black tie optional wedding, so there is a part of me that's thinking I should at least consider long dresses. (That's the part that listens to my mom repeating over and over that the girls should go long!) Long dresses definitely up the fancy factor, and I really love the slim, elegant silhouette they provide. Some of my favorites:

My favorite is the Lazaro in the middle, but it doesn't come in gold, only ivory, which I'm actually not opposed to doing. I've loved the idea of the bridesmaids in a shade similar to white since Charlotte married Trey on SATC, and Kate Middleton and her royal wedding only confirmed it.

So now I just need to get my girls together for some shopping, which is where you guys come in: I want to know, did you take everyone, or did you choose a style with one or two girls and tell the others what to do?  I'm trying to keep this as stress free as possible, but I don't want people to feel left out!

Dress Shopping Tips

I’ve finally found my dress!!! My lips are zipped on this one though- I don’t want any details to leak to the B-man!

Dress shopping was easily my favorite part of wedding planning, despite the overwhelming amount of choices out there. It’s a big decision- it’s one time where everyone actually is looking at you. And unlike buying a dress in the mall, you can’t just return it if dress regret sneaks up on you. So I thought I’d put together some tips I came up with from my shopping experiences:

1. Make appointments to try on. Lie and say your wedding date is 2 weeks earlier, just in case.
2.  Try on every style at least once, even if you think you hate it. The results will surprise (maybe confuse) you!
3. Wear your favorite outfit shopping. The consultant will look at your clothes to size up your style, so help her out by wearing an outfit that’s very “you.”  I wore my uniform of a cardigan/skinny jeans/ giant pearls and was surprised at how many consultants got my style (classic and simple) right away. They brought me some great dress options, including the one I bought, which I would have never looked twice at on my own. Bringing pictures helps too!
4. DO NOT GIVE IN TO ANY PRESSURE TO BUY THAT DAY. Seriously. Don’t rush this decision because they offer you a deal that they say only lasts for 24 hours! I promise you that they want to make the sale, and if you come back a week later and ask for it, that discount will miraculously reappear.
5. Sneak pictures if you can, because you might forget what your favorite dress looked like. Some shops let you take pictures, but many don’t, so keep an eye out for when the saleslady steps away and jump on the chance. Don’t be stupid and forget like I did, and have to go back a billion times to try the same thing on because you can’t remember exactly how it looked.
6. Don’t bring too many people, because it clouds judgment. Trust your sense of style, and remember that surprising everyone with your dress is better than letting them all see it in advance! 
7. Once you’ve found your dress, call a few salons for price comparison. I found mine priced at $3100, $3500, and $3800 in different stores.  Take into account alteration costs and accessory discounts when determining the best deal- the lowest priced dress might not be the best overall deal.

And here’s just a few things to make sure go on the receipt, just in case:

• Exact designer, style number, color, and store’s size recommendation.
• Delivery estimate
• Any special requests you may have – ie, if you are adding buttons to the back and the dress has to be made with button loops, get it in writing.
• Alterations estimate and the number of fittings
• Any discounts- for example, my bridal shop is giving me a discount on bridesmaid dresses, so I had that printed on the receipt. It’s a reputable store, but they’re not immune to forgetfulness, and I don’t want any issues  when I bring in the girls.

Okay, I should show some kind of picture, so I will leave you with the dress I was thisclose to buying. It was between this one and the one I actually got. I tried them both on three separate times, but the last time it was so clear to me that this one was the wrong choice. It’s still gorgeous though:

JimHjelm, style 8057

I cannot wait to wear the real dress!  

Is it just me...

Or does it seem so many stores are suddenly starting online wedding shops? I don't know if I'm just paying attention more now that I got engaged, but it seems like every other day I'm getting email spam from various department stores, introducing their brand new wedding boutiques.


Like Bloomingdale's (who awesomely breaks down weddings into all the related events, from engagement parties to showers, and offers outfit options for all! Though the outfits don't exactly come cheap.)

Say No to the Dress

Or, another  post with a bad pun for a title.

 Source

This past Friday, my mom and I went to Kleinfeld’s in NYC to continue the dress shopping search. I didn’t think I’d find a gown there, but I hoped the pro consultants could help me at least settle on a silhouette.  

Well, instead of solving my problem, they enhanced it, finding yet another awesome dress, in yet another completely different shape, and now I'm torn between even more dresses!

Say Yes to Which Dress?!

For some girls, dress shopping is the worst part of the bridal experience. They feel like someone else in a huge poufy ballgown, or complain nothing flatters them, or they hate the stores and salespeople they visit.

I am the opposite of those girls.

I LOVE dress shopping. There is something so exciting, hopeful, and girly about stepping into a giant cloud of tulle wrapped in layers of ivory satin, and topping it off with the veil, the ultimate bridal accessory. I love to stand in the mirror and watch the saleslady lift and straighten the train, and then turn around to admire the yards of intricate beading or delicate lace. I want to jump in the air and land in a haze of fabric. The first time my mom and I went dress shopping, we had so much fun that we immediately went to two other stores. Every dress we've seen or tried on has been beautiful in its own way.

Which creates a problem. How do you pick just one?! I am 5'6 and thin, with basically nonexistent boobs, so my body type makes it difficult to narrow down to a certain dress style. My shorter friends disappear in ballgowns, the well-endowed ladies know they must choose straps, but I am thankfully not restricted by my figure. A good problem to have, but it does make the decision harder. I want a strapless, drop-waist gown- but this can have so many variations: a ballgown, a mermaid, a trumpet, satin, organza, silk, beaded, lace, plain, sweetheart, ruffly, chiffon, trendy, classic, princess omgtheoptionsareendless!

I'm going to Kleinfeld's for the obligatory (and awesome) dress shopping experience Friday, and am hoping that the expert consultants there will be able to put a little direction in my search.

In the mean time, here's some dresses I've liked but decided against so far in my shopping, after the jump: