THE Shoes

You guys. Forget what I said about not wearing heels. I have found the world's most perfect wedding shoe, and am determined to make it mine. I don't even care that they're ridiculously expensive. I don't care that I'll be a gangly giant. They're beautiful. So beautiful I plan to display them on a shelf in my apartment after the wedding. (Creepy? Possibly).

The object of my affection is the Badgley Mischka Lacie, in seafoam.

From Zappos.com

If my entire wedding inspiration could be condensed into a shoe, this is it.

Thank God tallmenshoes.com exists. Mr. B, I hope you're ready for your man platforms.

That is all.

Wedding Shoes

This is a picture of my closet:

You might not be able to tell from this picture, but almost every pair of shoes here are high heels. I LOVE heels. I wear them every day to work. I would never be caught dead in a skirt or dress without them. I don't even own a pair of sneakers (seriously- there were Cons once, I don't know where they are now.)

Unfortunately, heels are an impossibility for my wedding, as the fiance and I are the same height. I wore wedges for our engagement pictures, and gave both our mothers a heart attack when they saw how I towered over him in the proofs. Needless to say, they're already hassling me about low shoes for the big day. And though it devastates me to not wear heels, I have to agree that they're right.

So I've been doing a little research on some wedding - appropriate flats. I found a few options, though I don't really love any of them:

From top: Steve Madden's I-Dreemy, Karisma, and Kinetic, from Zappos

Bottom left: Jcrew leather ballerina flat, Kate Spade Flash flat

I'm leaning towards the glittery Steve Maddens, since they're inexpensive and and festive, but for now I'm going to keep shopping, missing my high heels all the way!

What are you guys thinking for wedding shoes? My best friend wants to wear sparkly Toms- any other fun ideas?

Bridesmaid Reveal

We finally have bridesmaids dresses! After a uanimous decision by my five bridesmaids, we went with the Alvina Valenta 9866:

 Oh, you mean you can't tell anything by looking at this ridiculous pose? Try this: 

The girls really looked beautiful in this dress. Since they're all attractive and the dress is fairly straightforward, I assumed they'd look good, but my expectations were exceeded when I actually saw all of them in it. It looked great!

We ordered it in taupe satin-faced taffeta, which is the color seen here (this the dress we ordered for Toni, my junior BM):

Admittedly, I've got the heebie jeebies with the color. We saw it in person, but on a very 90s-style dress, which threw me off. And it looks super light in that pic, although when I had it next to a wedding gown in the store it looked fine. I think I am just getting a little nervous signing off on something when I haven't really seen the whole picture. I mean, you don't normally buy clothes by picking a style and color and never seeing the whole thing together!

Regardless, I'm so happy to have this task done! Plus it makes me love the girls even more- they all were able to take time out of their crazy schedules on the Saturday after Thanksgiving to meet up, and we all went out to lunch after and had a great day. Most of them knew each other already, but it was great to see everyone getting along and having fun, and it definitely makes me even more excited for all of the other events we'll spend together in and around the wedding!

Guest Stress

It's probably safe  to say that every single one of you in wedding world has run into some kind of tricky situation when deciding who to invite to your wedding.

 

My issue is an enormous guest list, courtesy of Mr. B's family.  

 

Our venue requires a minimum of 225 people, so the wedding is going to be big no matter what, but the guest list just keeps growing. It frustrates me because I didn't want a huge wedding, and there is a large number of people invited that, to be honest, I just plain don't like. There's also a lot of people that fall into the "we haven't seen them in 15 years but they're our really close friends, we have to invite them" category. My thought process is, if I haven't met or heard of someone in six years of dating Mr. B and attending his numerous family parties, then they don't need to be invited to our wedding.
 

There's also the guest and kids issue. Everyone's kids "need" to be invited. Like the children of the future in-laws' family friends, whose names Mr. B cannot remember. For example: Mr. B's mom's friend from high school has an 18 year old daughter with a boyfriend, the boyfriend is invited too. (Someone else is following that that's FIVE degrees of separation that we're extending invites out to, right?)  Mr. B's mom is conscious that the list is growing, but seems unwilling to make cuts. She seems very fearful of offending people, and even asked me if it would be okay if she told people my parents were paying and forced her to make cuts, that way she could blame them and no one would get mad at her. (My mom is an incredibly unselfish person, who has said nothing about the guest list, so it is most certainly not okay to throw her name around like that. At least blame me, not my mom!)

 

It's frustrating because the wedding is expensive and it's a lot of money to keep adding extra people, but Mr. B's family is paying for almost half of it. They're being extremely generous, so I don't want to be a bridezilla, but at the same time, I'm afraid I won't enjoy the reception because it will be filled with strangers or people I don't care for. I don't want to spend my whole time talking, I want to have a second to rock when ACDC hits the speakers. I feel guilty too because of course all of these people I'm complaining about are going to get us gifts, many have already gotten us beautiful, generous engagement gifts. 

 

I know Mr. B's family thinks I'm a guest list Nazi, and I feel bad about that because they've really let me/us do whatever we want for the wedding. The money they're giving us for the wedding has come with no strings (just people) attached. And of course Mr. B and I aren't seeing eye to eye on this either, and I'm kind of fighting this battle alone, earning that Bridezilla title the whole way.  They're supposed to be sending us their "final" guest list soon, so I'm just praying I'll be able to handle the situation with tact.

 

In the meantime, where's the line between being gracious, and standing my ground? Do I have anyone's permission to throw a temper tantrum and demand guest cuts?

 

Bridesmaid Indecision

After a bit more bridesmaid dress shopping, I've narrowed things down to two final choices. But it's hard to decide on which look to go with, as they're very different and I think the decision may swing the overall concept of the wedding in a certain direction. I'm torn because one is pretty, safe, and traditional, while the other is more my style but also more of a risk. Somehow, I find myself weirdly afraid to do something that is exactly in line with my inspiration board.

Here's the first, Alvina Valenta #9866. It's beautiful and classic, and the girls like it, but it's sort of typical bridesmaidy. I would do it in a pale champagne taffeta:

Alvina Valenta 9866.  

It's very elegant, traditional, and formal. It seems that whenever I make wedding decisions, I pick things that are elegant, traditional, and formal.

But let's recall my inspiration board:

It's more like elegant, romantic, and vintage. And I feel like this dress suits that concept better:

Nordstrom

Plus it has the added bonus of being $100 cheaper and genuinely rewearable, though those advantages are tempered by the drawback of being harder to alter- you can't cut through that lace.

So there's the dilemma. Crazy lady that I am, I'm going to buy the lace one tomorrow and bring it to my dress shop to see it next to my dress. I'm hoping it will look either shockingly awful or really, really awesome. That'll make my decision easier!

Which do you guys like better? Does anyone else feel weirdly afraid to "go for it" with some element of the wedding?

Addressing Etiquette

Sending our save the dates meant that Mr. B and I had to learn all those rules about how you properly address an envelope. You know, does the wife go first? Doctor first? What if the wife’s the doctor?

So I figured I’d put the rules down here, to save someone out there the trouble of looking them up. I compiled with the assistance of my girl Martha, the ladies of the Knot, and our calligrapher on the “right” way to address things. Do it your way, of course, but if you want the official “rules,” here they are:

Spell Out:

• House numbers smaller than 20
• State abbreviations (New Jersey)
• Street abbreviations (10 Main Street)
• The word “apartment”
• Post Office Box

Addressing Rules:

• If husband is a doctor, it would be “Doctor and Mrs. Daniel Brummel.”
• If wife is a doctor, it is “Doctor Sally Brummel and Mr. Daniel Brummel”
• Both doctors, “The Doctors Brummel.”
• If they have different professional titles, it is “The Honorable Rachel Hayden and Lieutenant Ryen Slegr.
• If the wife kept her maiden name, it should go first: “Mrs. Rachel Hayden and Mr. Ryen Slegr.
• Unmarrieds living together are separated by a line, as in:
                 Miss Britney Spears
                 Mr. Joseph Hawley
• If children are invited, the outer envelope is only addressed to the parents, as in “Mr. and Mrs. Andrew Horowitz.” Then, on the inner envelope, include the kids, as in:
                 Mr. and Mrs. Ross Federman
                 Jack and Jill
• For single people, address the outer envelope with their name, and include “and guest” on the inner envelope.
• For a same-sex couple, it is like any other couple: Mr. Jose Galvez and Mr. Robert Cantor.
• Children over 18, even if living with parents, should receive their own invitation

Doing the save the dates also brought up some of those fighty, awkward questions, like who really needs to bring a date, and must we honestly invite those people’s kids?  Things will still change slightly by the time we do invitations, I’m sure, but it’s a good time to hammer out all those details.

Hope this helps!

Further Resources: The Knot, Martha Stewart Weddings

Save the Date? Meh

I'm not sure what I thought the reaction to our save the dates would be. Maybe something like this:

 

Source

Okay, maybe not that psyched. But I did anticipate a bunch of excited phone calls, "the date is SO saved" texts from friends, that type of thing.

But we got nothing! Save the dates were mailed to around 120 people; three days later, not one person had commented.  I started to worry that something went wrong, since our recipients were mostly local and usually receive things the next day. We did use a flourishy, decorative font on the envelopes, after all.  Maybe the post office couldn't read them. I made a few phone calls to check on the situation. Things were fine.

In the end, my MOH and her mother reacted excitedly, calling them classy and beautiful, and Mr. B's mom heard from two guests. On my side, my dad's sister called to acknowledge receipt, and I'm not sure what was said but I know that the exchange somehow wound up in an argument. Definitely not the outcome we were going for! 

So 5 total acknowledgements out of 120. This surprised me because I spoke to plenty of recipients- friends, bridesmaids, cousins- in the five days since we mailed them. I don't expect the world to turn upside down because Mr. B and I formally announced our wedding date, it's old news now anyway, but since I was talking with people regardless, I thought they'd mention it. 

It's not keeping me up at night or anything, but after spending money and time on them, I have to admit I was hoping for a few compliments! At least notice the effort we put into beautifully addressing them, at midnight on a Saturday night no less!

Oh well. Hopefully the invites get our guests a little more pumped.

What reactions did your save the dates get?

The Bachelorette Debate

I have two separate groups of friends. The first is my bridesmaids, the girls I've grown up with and who are my closest friends. I love our girly nights in, usually involving wine and someone's couch. 

And then there's mine and Mr. B's shared group. I met them back in high school, when I became friends with Mr. B himself, and they're my Saturday nights friends- the people I booze with, go on vacations with, and do all sorts of crazy things (ie, ghost hunting, 4 am karaoke, etc) with. The group is huge, and a ton of fun.

(There's Mr. B mean mugging in the sweater combo)

So at a party with the guys last weekend, bachelor/ette talk came up. I wanted to go out in NYC, and I wanted both groups of friends to come. But when I mentioned this to the boys, they were appalled. Reactions went something like this:

"What! We don't want to come to a bachelorette party!"

"Shouldn't that just be with girls? I mean...isn't there going to be like, penis stuff there?"

And my personal favorite, said in complete horror:

"Oh no, does that mean  you're going to want to come to Mr. B's bachelor party now?"

(FYI, no, absolutely not).

I was really surprised at the reactions! All I want for the bachelorette (which, I realize is months away and not my place to plan anyway) is to have an awesome night out with everyone I love, kind of like a huge birthday party. The girls are cool with it, but apparently I'm going to have to call it by a different name if I don't want the boys to freak out! But I'll get them there, I know it!

What's your take on co-ed bachelor/bachelorette parties? Would you do it? Would your friends?

STD Reveal

Okay so a while back, I made a list of September goals, and then promptly accomplished 1 of 4. 

But that changes today! We might be a month behind our goal, but no matter: we've finally finished our save the dates, and will be mailing them out early this week! 

After a unanimous vote for a photo save the date, we ordered the Beautiful Band design from Wedding Paper Divas, and used one of our favorite engagement pictures. It came out, in my opinion, awesome:

Here's the JPEG proof close up, edited, obviously:

We addressed them on the computer, feeding the envelopes through the printer. It was gloriously easy- the Paper Divas envelope stock didn't jam a single time, and we got 70 save the dates addressed in under two hours! The envelopes are my favorite part actually. I LOVE the font (Exmouth, a free download on dafont.com) 

The whole thing:

Overall, these didn't break the bank. We clocked in at around $125 for 75 save the dates, and 90 envelopes with our return address printed on them.  The paper stock is nice and thick, and we received them in just a week after ordering. I'm really happy with them, and I'm looking forward to hearing some feedback from our guests!

My Latest Wedding Obsession...

Is table settings! After our meeting with Jenny last week, I’m all about them. Putting some effort into the table design really make a difference in the look of the reception. I mean, think about it- what are your guests staring at all night? The table in front of them. I kind of can’t believe that as wedding-obsessed as I get, I never even considered this.

Oh well, now I am making up for lost time by drooling over the billion combinations you can create, mixing napkins, chargers, china, and linens. I won’t be using all, obviously, but I’m starting to gather some inspiration. I’m hoping to create an elegant look with a hint of vintage:

Source

Although my mom is busting my chops about using these more modern chargers:

 Source

 And I love, love, love the classic, simple lines of this set up:

Anyway, I am working under some budget constraints when it comes to choosing the linens, so I have to choose carefully. Right now, I’m considering using champagne linens for the tables, ivory linen napkins, and a beautiful china plate or a charger (budget doesn’t allow for both). I’m really into these particular china patterns, both from Party Rentals LTD:

 Gold Florentine

Palais

But I’m not sure if renting china is worth the money. A charger would be a bit cheaper, and size-wise, would make more of an impact, though the china is more theme appropriate.And prettyyyyy.

Anyway, as much fun as I’m having, our florist doesn’t show us the whole look (full sample centerpieces, linen options, etc) until one month before the wedding, so I’ve got a really long time before I have to make a decision. Not that that's killing me a little bit or anything.

Did you do anything to jazz up your tables? What did you use?

Holy Cow I Think I Got One Here

Mr. B is a huge, huge, huge Weezer fan. Though we haven't liked their music since the Pinkerton album, we still, for some reason, attend every show religiously. Observe: 

We’re also gigantic fans of Tally Hall and Ozma, so I really wanted our wedding song to be by one of those bands. It would be personal, fitting, and offbeat, maybe even a little badass.

Except apparently whoever’s writing these songs has a horrible love life. Every song by each band has one or two sweet lines*, followed by chorus after chorus about broken hearts. I sifted through the lyrics of all my favorites but struggled to find something right, until I remembered (what in hindsight should have been really obvious) Falling for You by Weezer. Have a listen:

 (From You Tube)

I suppose it's not perfect, it’s really about the beginning of a relationship, but beggars can't be choosers right? And the lyrics are cool anyway, especially the "gotta go turn in my rock star card and get fat and old with you" line.

So I thought I solved our wedding song dilemma, and I presented my suggestion to Mr. B.

He hated it. "We can't dance to this!" he objected. "It's too fast. We'll look ridiculous."

I argued that we can't dance and will look ridiculous anyway, so what difference did it make? 

We went back and forth for awhile, polling our family and friends. But though they agreed with using it, Mr. B still didn't come around. I put it aside for awhile, mentally resigning myself to paying for the dance lessons required to make this song work.

And then Mr. B went to an Arctic Monkeys concert and came back with the best suggestion ever: Baby I'm Yours, originally done by Barbara Lewis in the 60s, now covered by them. Listen:

It's PERFECT. Easy to dance to, vintagey and romantic in keeping with the theme of our wedding, and so us. I'm known for my penchant for oldies songs, as well as an unwillingness to join the 21st century (still rockin a flip phone with no Internet access, what upp) and the Arctic Monkeys element makes it very Mr. B. Hearing this song was like finding each other, finding our venue, finding my dress (you like how shallow that list gets?) - when we knew, we knew.

YAY Mr. B! I'm so excited for our first dance now!

*Totally have a REALLY AWESOME plan for those sweet lines. Except I want to surprise Mr. B so I can't tell you until after the wedding!  But it’s gonna be GOOD.

Want It, Can't Have It

Something I’ve noticed in wedding planning is that there's so many awesome items out there that it’s extremely easy to fall  head over heels for something that just doesn’t work for your affair. Like you might be having a formal blacktie reception and then die for rustic letterpress invites that look like concert posters. When that happens, sometimes you just have to admit defeat and move on, leaving your loved item behind.

I’m having this issue with my bridesmaids’ dresses. I am obsessed with a Lazaro to the point that I like it as much as my own dress (also Lazaro, coincidentally) and I’m honestly kinda jealous I don’t get to wear  it. It literally hurts to think about how elegant my girls are going to look. I’m not kidding.

Here, see for yourself!

That’s my maid of honor, looking awesome. And yes, that is a train- I LOVE that feature!

Problem is, the dress only comes in really dark colors, and I had my heart set on a cream and gold color scheme. I’m totally willing to compromise on the shade of gold- champagne, fawn, bronze, whatever- but not on the gold itself. This blue color is really amazing, but it’s not gold. The dress comes in a pretty shade of silver, but again, that’s not gold. And I love gold bridesmaids:

My original inspiration for gold, from the Knot

There is a small ray of light: the owner of the shop where I bought my dress is seeing the Lazaro spring show this Saturday, and if the spring line includes gold, she may be able to preorder it. But no guarantees.

So I’m prepping myself for defeat, and trying to move on to another dress. Right now,  I’m leaning towards these two options (in gold, of course):

 Impressions 3107- I do really like this, and the pearl brooch goes with my pearl theme!

 This was nice, hard to tell since it's a size 100 million, but very flattering. I'm a little concerned the satin quality is cheap looking though. This is a Dessy, but I forget the style number.

Thoughts? Which ones do you guys like?

Now We're Set

Lately I’ve been wanting to think about the detail elements of the wedding- paper, card boxes, flowers- but I’ve found myself with piles of inspiration and no cohesive theme. Cream, gold, lace, pearls, baby blue, and sapphire blurred together in my head, crippling me from getting started.

Enter Jenny Orsini, wedding planner and owner of Pampered Bride Weddings (and wedding planning superstar to me).

We didn’t have the budget for a full-on wedding planner, but my mom suggested we meet with her for her theme and décor consultation service. It was affordable, and my mom reasoned it was worth it to spend a little and solidify things now, to avoid making pricey mistakes later on. 

And I am SO glad we went. I showed up with a collection of inspiration pictures, and Jenny got my style immediately. She was super nice and came up with many ideas that I loved. She was upfront about money and honest about what would be in our decor/floral budget. She helped me to realize the design elements I really wanted were lace and pearls, and that the baby blue I was trying to make happen was just not going to work. We came up with the look for the tables, flowers, and paper products, which I’ll be posting about as I do them, but here’s a sneak preview for now:

I'm honestly still swooning

We got some good pieces of advice, which were all things I've stupidly never thought of, so I’ll share below:

• Put some effort into the placecard table since it’s the first  thing guests see when they walk in, before the cocktail hour, and before the ceremony.  (Guess who did not once even think about this? Oh hi me).
• Table settings are how you bring your theme to life. I had assumed linens, chargers, etc were out of our budget. She showed us how to make it work, and I am SO much more excited about things now.
• She was able to give honest (if a little scary!) feedback on our vendors, since they were all people she was very familiar with. We may be looking for a new florist now, but we appreciated the nobullshit talk.  
• Bridesmaids: they should never be as elegant as you (that sounds terrible in writing, I'm sorry!), and don't worry if they don't match your room decor exactly. They'll be photographed next to you, not next to your table setting. 

I’m extremely grateful to my mom for the idea to do this. We had a ton of fun planning, and now I feel so much more like I’m back in the swing of things and ready to make things happen.  

Any of you out there using a wedding planner at all? 

Friendship Changes

At my first job, I shared a cube with a girl named Cindy, who had the most gorgeous wedding ever, a destination in the Bahamas. I loved to look at her pictures.

I noticed in the ceremony shots she surrounded entirely by guys. “Where’s your bridal party?” I asked.

She explained that they decided to have her husbands’ two brothers as best men, and her best friend of 17 years as her maid of honor, except the girl was clearly nowhere to be found.

“She got married and stopped talking to me” Cindy explained, as if this was totally normal.

I was confused. “That doesn’t make sense.”

Cindy told me that she’d been the maid of honor in her best friend’s destination wedding 8 months prior, but by the time it was her turn, her friend was settled into married life, spending her time with her husband and their families. She said her friend barely returned her calls, and had very little interest in keeping the friendship up. By the time Cindy’s wedding rolled around, their friendship was in such disrepair that the girl wasn’t even invited.

Okay look, I don’t know Cindy or her friend too well; her story may have more to it,  but I was 22 and fresh out of college when I heard this, and it totally freaked me out. My life was still about being attached to my roommates, bonding over dollar mugs of beer and Sunday movie marathons. I couldn’t imagine the idea of that any of it changing. Cindy had always struck me as a bit odd, so I shrugged off the story, assuming that kind of thing didn’t happen to, well, more normal people.

Yeeeeah… it does. (You knew that was coming, right?)  I haven’t had a situation quite as dramatic as Cindy’s, but I notice changes in other areas. Some friendships change because we’re in different life circumstances, and either can’t or don’t want to bother understanding each other. Some friends fade more, when you realize who you really have time for. And some friendships I took for granted I’m now realizing are the best ones I have.

One of said dollar mug drunk nights

I’m changing too. I notice myself actively disengaging from certain people. Mr. B and I have a hilarious and awesome group of guy friends, who I used to have personal relationships with. I think they’re awesome but I have less in common with them. Their lives are about picking up girls in a West Village bar until 4 am, which is cool for them, but I’m more likely to get my panties in a bunch over the latest issue of Food and Wine (I really wish I was kidding).

So things do change. At 22, it never occurred to me I’d stop dressing up in spiky heels and pregaming on $4 champagne. Or at least, I didn’t know it would end quickly. I miss it sometimes, but I’m also different too, learning more about myself, my friendships, and my priorities. And you know what? I’m still lucky enough to be surrounded by great people.

And if I need to revert back, I am only a 10 minute train ride from those West Village bars.

 The drinking buddies at a bar night in Cabo last month

Have you seen changes in your friendships as you’ve gotten older and/or engaged?

Pre Cana Recap

One thing’s checked off the September to do list: Pre Cana! The diocese was kind enough to squeeze us in, and we got to participate at my home parish, in a Pre Cana led by the deacon who will be marrying us. All Pre Canas seem to be different, so I'll recap ours in case anyone is wondering about what happens. 

 Source

Mr. B and I were not exactly looking forward to it, as there was a Michigan game on and we were hoping to watch it at a local bar. I didn’t expect Pre Cana to be horrible or anything, just thought I’d need to hold my eyelids open to keep from falling asleep.

Luckily, I was wrong. The day started with a decently entertaining version of the Newylwed Game, and then was divided into two parts. The first focused on marital communication and the second on sexuality and spirituality (actually less cringeworthy than it sounds). Both followed the same format, where a panel of facilitator couples (married from 15-40 years), discussed their experiences on topics like communication or newlywed adjustments. After the panel discussion, we broke into smaller groups, each led by a facilitator couple. They asked us questions about our relationships, like whether we’d discussed sharing holidays or how we expected our relationship to change over the years. It was actually pretty interesting to listen to the couples’ stories, and I definitely appreciated their candor. Personally, I love to hear about people’s experiences, and since my own parents tend to be a little reserved/closed off on these types of discussions, it was really nice to hear from the church couples.

I also really enjoyed the discussion on how the couples’ relationships with God changed over the years. Most of the women had been practicing Catholics their whole lives, but had husbands who were basically atheists or lapsed Catholics at the time of the wedding.  As part of an interfaith couple, it was very comforting to me to hear how these role model couples did, over time, find ways to God together.

In the interest of honesty I will admit there were some squirmy points (Natural Family Planning) and a few snooze worthy moments, but for the most part I found us surrounded by a very nice group of engaged couples, and a great group of married couples working with us. It was really a very positive experience, and definitely not the worst part of wedding planning so far!